The legend of the Magic Beer Pickup
Gather around brothers, there is a strange phenomenon that I have observed that I wish to share with you. This is not a myth but rather an exercise in logic and observation. Doubtless you, as I, have driven down back streets in cities and rural roads and noticed pickup trucks parked along side them. It is a sad but reassuring fact that all pickups eventually need mechanical work and sometimes you will see a hood up. This is normal and to be expected, it is a part of life. What you might not have realized though is that some of those pickups you see are in fact magical beer dispensing pickups. Yes, you understood that correctly, they are magic pickups that dispense beer!
Some of you immediately realized the truth of that last statement, but there are others among you who don't believe me yet. There may be nagging thoughts that the pickups you see with the hood up are indeed being repaired. Occasionally you might even see a toolbox or other repair paraphernalia around the pickup, but those are planted there to deceive you brothers.
You can recognize a magic beer pickup by a few telltale signs. First is the fact that the supposed repairs are never completed. This is the most significant of the signs that a pickup is in fact a magic beer pickup. Any real repair can be completed in a couple of days. Even the most arduous of repairs, whether it be replacing a cam shaft or transmission, these tasks can be completed in less than a week. Any mechanic can tell you both the amount of time it really takes to make the repair and the number of hours you are likely to be billed for. Even overhauls like those seen on popular television take a couple of weeks at most, that includes major body work and a virtual replacement of every working part of an internal combustion powered machine. Those shows sometimes will rework an automobile from start to finish, including custom paint jobs and chrome in places that chrome was never meant to go. Two weeks and they change everything about the vehicle from start to finish. Magic beer pickups do not change in appearance. They do not suddenly gain horsepower of tremendous proportions. In short, they do not get significantly changed, and who would want to?
Magic beer pickups don't change because no one would want to change what is obviously a wonderful thing into something that doesn't dispense beer. Given time these pickups must dispense thousands of gallons of beer. This is why you can tell that you've seen a magic beer pickup in most part because of the time that the supposed repair takes is measured in months, perhaps even years.
This is in fact why you sometimes see tools scattered around these objects of mystery and wonder. The owners obviously realize their good fortune and want to throw off those who might intrude on their discovery of paradise. The tools are of course never used, but they deceive the casual observer into thinking that they are just a normal automotive repair.
By now doubtless you've realized how wonderful these machines are and you might be asking, what do I do if I see a magic beer pickup? I'm afraid I cannot tell you. I suggest bringing a beer offering as it is obviously treasured, perhaps pizza to the owners of these magical machines. Don't be surprised though if they offer you some story about a fictional repair, they have every reason to want to protect their prize.
I wish you good luck and may you too one day discover a magic beer pickup of your own.